Achieving your big juicy goals is no accident, or is it?

Write your goal + commit to actions + share progress with friend

In August, I shared some prompting questions in my first-ever thread. Thank you to all of you who joined in. Those of you who missed it can go here and introduce yourself. 

I truly enjoyed getting to know all of you–your engagement means more than you know. 

That said, it sparked the idea for this essay because we all shared our big, juicy goals. Yet, let's be honest for a second. These won’t be achieved by accident or some once-in-a-lifetime lottery luck.

Goal-setting is not a novel concept, I know.

But let's talk about how to make this pipe dream a reality, backed by some practical science. (Because nothing says "I'm a serious writer", like citing academic studies, am I right?)

The US Botanic Garden, Washington DC, image by my iPhone

The Buddy System: It's Not Just for School Field Trips

First, we've got a study from UC Berkeley about "tandem goal pursuit."¹ Basically, it's a fancy way of saying that teaming up with a friend might actually make you more likely to achieve your goals.

In this study, they bribed a bunch of college students with literal pocket change to go to the gym. Shockingly, it worked. The students who had to coordinate their gym time with a friend actually went 35% more often than those who chose to exercise alone.

Why? Apparently, we're more motivated when we're accountable to someone else and when we can share in the misery – I mean, joy – of pursuing our goals together. It's like the universe is forcing us to admit that maybe, just maybe, we can't do everything alone.²

The Power of Oversharing (For Once, It's a Good Thing)

Another study³ from the Dominican University of California took this whole accountability thing to the next level.

They split people into groups ranging from "I thought really hard about my goals" to "I wrote them down, made action plans, and sent weekly progress reports to a friend like some kind of type-A overachiever."

Guess which group crushed it? Yep, the overachievers.

Turns out, writing down your goals, telling other people about them, and sending regular updates is like the holy trinity of actually getting shit done. It's almost like external validation and the fear of letting others down are powerful motivators. Who knew?

So, What Does This Mean for You?

 If you're serious about x,y,z, you need to get serious about your goals.

1. Write them down. Not just in the Notes app on your phone that you never open. Like, actually write them somewhere you'll see them. Maybe on that fancy planner you bought and swore you'd use this year.

2. Tell someone about them. Preferably someone who won't just nod and smile while secretly thinking you've lost your mind. Find a friend who's alike.

3. Make a plan. Break down your big, scary "quit my job and become a famous writer" goal into smaller, less terrifying steps. Like "write for 30 minutes every day", "pitch one publication this week", or “don’t give up at the first sign of rejection”.

4. Check in regularly. Set up a system for reporting your progress to someone. Maybe it's a weekly coffee date with your accountability buddy or a monthly email to a mentor (that can be me, as I’m the one getting you to do this extra work). Make it a public Notes story if that's what motivates you.

5. Embrace the communal struggle. Find your tribe of fellow aspiring writers (you can find them on Notes). Share your wins, your losses, and your "I stared at a blank page for three hours" moments. Misery loves company.

The path to full-time writing is paved with rejection emails and unsubscribers (which you’ll never know why they opted out).

But if you're going to take the leap, you might as well stack the odds in your favour.

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Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a friend waiting to watch me struggle through a workout. Apparently, it's for my own good.

1. https://pubsonline.informs.org/doi/abs/10.1287/mnsc.2022.01401

2. If you want to geek out on the study papers, you can download a full PDF of Friends with Health Benefits: A Field Experiment here.

3. https://www.dominican.edu/dominicannews/study-highlights-strategies-for-achieving-goals