Everyone is insecure about something.
How do we move forward despite feeling like an imposter or fraudster?
So, if we all have insecurities, how do we move forward despite feeling like an imposter or fraudster while waiting to be found out?
Substack is a platform that can be your best friend or worst nightmare, depending on your personality, perspective, and mindset.
Starting on Substack may often feel like arriving at a party in full swing, which is intimidating for introverted people.
Being on Substack, particularly the notes, feels like being on the sideline watching the cool kids.
Cool kids hang out, have conversations, visit each other’s Substacks, and mention each other’s work on notes.
They are cool, beautiful, polished.
Most of us watch them from the sidelines, wondering if our half-formed ideas about writing are even worth putting out into the world. (Spoiler alert: they are). But more on that later.
In the essay “Let’s Talk about Insecurities”, I’ve reminded us of two options we have:
Continue to feel insecure (about your writing, your publication, your position on substack and so on)
Start dismantling insecurities, one by one.
My preferred approach is not to deal with problems but to postpone them, hide from them, or, my favourite, pretend the problem does not exist.
It’s also not the approach I recommend. It does not work 100% of the time, and the problem will catch up with you with a big bang and double in size.
Everyone is insecure about something. Some of the most successful personalities struggle with insecurities despite their accomplishments and fame. This post discusses some of them.
The difference is that some are better at discussing them so they don’t stand in their way than others. Another difference is that some have found a way to dismantle them, and some of us are still looking for a way to do just that.
It’s totally fine to appear as if you ‘have your act together’ until the insecurities diminish.
It’s also totally okay to be readily willing to admit to feelings of inadequacy.
Most of the life situations bring about unsure footing. There’s no possibility of avoiding these.
You can easily spot these in your desperate need for perfectionism in everything you publish. Or the only day you have available to write is when you decide to do a bit of spring cleaning instead. It’s also called procrastination.
So instead, write, write, write yourself to become a better writer (it’s something I heard yesterday, but I cannot find the original, so, for now, I have to leave it uncredited). It’s the only way. While you do, let me share four steps to address insecurities so I can help you along the way. Keep showing up even though it’s tough on some days.
Four steps to telling imposter syndrome to shove it
In the Psychology Today article, “Everyone is insecure about something”, Ruth Gotian, Ed.D., M.S., suggests four steps to address insecurities before they have longer-lasting effects.
Let’s take a look at what’s suggested:
1. Accept your imperfections and embrace your inner mess
The perception of not measuring up—not good enough, smart enough, talented enough, innovative enough, or successful enough— is all too common.
For example, next to my desk is a post-it note that says: Don’t take yourself and your writing, your substack and others so seriously! I have to keep this reminder because often, when I am passionate about something, I can take it to extremes and take myself too seriously. I need this reminder to have fun and enjoy the process so I don’t burn out again!
What about you? What reminder would you need to give yourself to accept your imperfections?
Remember, what makes you different from others makes you unique.
Your quirks, your weird obsessions, your unique voice – that's what's going to make you stand out in the sea of sameness. So stop trying to be the next Lenny and start being the first you.
2. Play detective with your insecurities and get to the root cause.
Ultimately, dealing with insecurities requires the same approach as dealing with any problem. The good news is, by now, you’ve dealt with multiple problems in your life. Take the same approach. Get to the bottom of it.
It's time to channel your inner Sherlock and figure out where these insecurities are coming from. Is it that time your high school English teacher told you your writing was "never going to make it"?
Reflect on your past experiences. Which of these helped to shape your internal beliefs?
How do you talk to yourself? 10% of the time, I talk to myself how I would want others to talk to me. 70% of the time I am too harsh, full of criticism. I should challenge that more often! 20% of the time I amuse myself. I can be funny. (There’s no scientific approach behind the percentages I included here; they are totally made up to illustrate the proportions of different types of my self-talk.)
Identify what triggers feelings of insecurity and examine how they fuel your insecurity. Most of the time, these come from internal sources. No one is saying I write badly; on the contrary, the response is good. The insecurities come from my own expectations and high standards. For me, they are self-imposed.
3. Build your confidence muscle.
Focusing on perceived shortcomings and weaknesses is easy. In fact, it’s natural. (It does not make it right, though!) Our minds default to negative thoughts, which psychologists have named the negative bias.
“The negativity bias is our tendency not only to register negative stimuli more readily but also to dwell on these events.”
Focusing on your strengths takes effort.
This isn't about positive affirmations in the mirror (though if that works for you, go for it). It's about collecting evidence that you don't, in fact, suck. Save those lovely comments. A screenshot of that email where someone said your writing made them think. Build a "wins" folder and revisit it when the imposter syndrome hits hard.
I started to take screenshots of the comments I got. I also keep the emails with notifications that new publications started recommending me (This is a great opportunity to send a massive thank you to
, , La Flâneuse with , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Thank you for believing in the Coffee Break newsletter. You all are awesome publications!)What could you do to remind yourself of your strengths and accomplishments?
4. Set small goals that don’t make you want to hurl.
Yes, we all want to be the next Substack millionaire. But setting "become the next Heather Cox Richardson" as your goal is a recipe for paralysis. While 1.5 million readers tuning in every day to read your work is impeccable, it is out of reach for now.
Start small.
Maybe it's "publish once a week for a month" or "get my first 10 subscribers who aren't related to me."
Lofty goals literally scare the motivation out of you. Because they seem impossible, it is not that they are impossible. They are impossible right now where you’re at. Lofty goals are scary, intimidating and too large to get a crack at.
So mark your end goal, but then list the subgoals, which are the steps to achieve it.
My big goal:Subgoal 1:Subgoal 2:Subgoal 3:Subgoal 4:Subgoal 5:Setting up tiny habits, which I wrote about last week, might also work for you. If you want long-term change, it's best to start small.
Just Keep Writing
Here's the secret that all those successful Substack writers know: the only way out is through. You're going to feel like a fraud. You're going to wonder if you've made a horrible mistake leaving your cushy corporate job with a steady income. You're going to have days where you stare at the blank page and contemplate going back.
But you know what? You're going to write anyway. Because that's what writers do. We write through the doubt, through the fear, through the days when we're convinced we're one step away from being "found out."
And here's the beautiful part: the more you write, the better you get. The more you publish, the more confident you become. It's like a muscle – the more you use it, the stronger it gets.
So, here's your assignment: close this tab, open up a new document, and start writing. It doesn't have to be perfect. It doesn't even have to be good. It just has to be done.
Tldr,
There are four easy steps to help you dismantle your insecurities:
Accept your imperfections. They make you unique!
Identify the root cause, the same as when you attempt to solve any problem.
Build self-confidence by collecting small wins along the way.
Set small goals, but dream large!
Thank you for reading.
PS1: This is the eleventh post of 24 essays I plan to write as part of the
Essay Club to keep myself accountable and post regularly.If life often gets in the way of your regular writing and you are a fellow Substacker (which many of you are), I'd recommend you join
’s Essay Club.PS2: In July, I plan to start the “Behind The Substack” series, in which I will interview one of the Substack writers and extract all the learning nuggets about them, their journey, their writing process and routines, and, of course, their publication.
If you are a Substack writer and would like to be interviewed and are interested in crossposting the interview on your publication, email me at jana@coffeebreaknewsletter.com or send me a DM to discuss the details. You’ll get to share your stories with my readers, collaborate, and share some small or big learning lessons.
I love the small win method. 🙂 Also comforting to me is the notion that most people are out here muddling through and figuring it out just like the rest of us. 🤍
"Lofty goals literally scare the motivation out of you. Because they seem impossible, it is not that they are impossible. They are impossible right now where you’re at".
Ants are small but scare the hell our of elephants, lions, etc. So I believe small goals is the perfect starting point to reach those lofty goals. Incredible piece of writing.