There’s more to life than this—let’s find it

A reflection sparked by a couple of books: Designing Your Life by Bill Burnett and Dave Evans and The Coaching Habit by Michael Bungay Stanier.

Today, let’s talk about feeling stuck – a reflection sparked by a couple of books: Designing Your Life by Bill Burnett and Dave Evans and The Coaching Habit by Michael Bungay Stanier.

That nagging feeling of being stuck. You know, the one that creeps up on you during your third Zoom meeting of the day, whispering that there's got to be more to life than this.  

There is.  

But – changing your life, really changing it, isn't an overnight process. We're talking about a journey, and like any good story, it's going to take some time to unfold. 

Now, before you close this tab and go back to pretending to work on that spreadsheet, hear me out. Three years. That's a realistic timeframe to turn your life around. I know, I know – in the age of TikTok fame and overnight Substack sensations, three years sounds like an eternity. But unless you're planning to sell everything you own and become a digital nomad (which, hey, no judgment here), you're going to need some time to make this transition. 

This idea of slow, intentional progress echoes the framework in Designing Your Life by Bill Burnett and Dave Evans. They argue that building a meaningful life is a design problem. You don’t need to overhaul everything at once—you just need to prototype small, intentional steps toward a more fulfilling future.

Now, let's address the elephant in the room: coaching. It seems like every successful person is touting the benefits of having a coach¹. Oprah's got one. Hugh Jackman's got one. Even Metallica had one. 

Eric Schmidt, Former Google CEO (coached by Bill Campbell)

"The one thing that people are never good at is seeing themselves as others see them. A coach really, really helps."

Bill Gates, Founder of Microsoft (coached by Bill Campbell)

"Everyone needs a coach. We all need people that give us feedback. That’s how we improve."

Oprah Winfrey, tv host (coached by Martha Beck)

"Coaching helps you stop the crazy mind chatter in your head that tells you all the time that you're not good enough."

Hugh Jackman, the Australian actor and singer

 "A coach just has a different perspective. The coach can see what you can't see because you're in the forest, they're outside of it."

Leonardo DiCaprio is an actor, producer, environmentalist, and philanthropist. Leonardo DiCaprio has a coach who helped him prepare for upcoming roles in the following style:

• Create a mission greater than yourself

• Feed your mind nourishing food

• Change your experience

• Get out of the mind and into the body

• Focus on what excites you.

Satya Nadella, CEO of Microsoft (coached by Michael Gervais)

"Every person, organisation, and even society reaches a point at which they owe it to themselves to hit refresh—to re-energise, renew, reframe, and rethink their purpose."

Alan Mulally, Former CEO of Ford (coached by Marshall Goldsmith)

"We were a very successful team who took our performance to the next level. With Marshall’s help, we identified our two areas and went to work. We used everyone’s help and support, exceeded our improvement expectations and had fun!"

Atul Gawande, surgeon & writer (coached by Robert Osteen)

"Coaching done well may be the most effective intervention designed for human performance."

Metallica is an American heavy metal band.

Phil Towle says he helps people “unlock their self-imposed obstacles” by making contact during that critical “moment of potential insight,” an awareness inspired by “seeds from the unconscious.”

Here’s the thing: you don’t necessarily need a professional coach to make progress. The core principle of coaching, as outlined in The Coaching Habit by Michael Bungay Stanier, is simple—you already have the answers. A great coach (or even a friend who’s willing to ask the right questions) helps you uncover them by guiding you through self-reflection and clarity.

Adam Grant’s Think Again reinforces this idea. It’s not about having all the answers—it’s about challenging your assumptions, being curious, and staying open to feedback. The best coaches (official or unofficial) don’t tell you what to do; they help you reframe how you see the problem.

---

Your 5 Rules of Substack 

1. Get out of your own head: That voice telling you you’re not good enough? It’s lying. The War of Art by Steven Pressfield calls this resistance—the inner force that keeps you stuck and scared. Overcoming it starts with recognizing it for what it is: fear of failure, dressed up as practicality.

2. Embrace the feedback loop: Your corporate job might have taught you to fear feedback, but as Brené Brown writes in Daring Greatly, vulnerability is where growth happens. On Substack, feedback isn’t a threat; it’s a chance to connect with your audience and refine your voice.

3. Change your experience: Leo DiCaprio’s coach had it right: you can’t write about life from the confines of a cubicle. Austin Kleon’s Show Your Work! emphasizes living your process authentically. Share the stories you want to tell. Live them first, then write them.

4. Focus on what excites you: Write about what sets your soul on fire, not what you think will get the most clicks. Simon Sinek’s The Infinite Game reminds us that purpose and passion are what create lasting impact—not the quick wins.

5. Create a mission greater than yourself: In The Infinite Game, Sinek argues that when you root your work in a mission larger than yourself, it becomes sustainable.

---

There will be days when you question every life choice that led you to this point. That’s okay. As Steven Pressfield reminds us, resistance is part of the process. The goal isn’t to eliminate the doubt—it’s to show up anyway.

---

This is the eighth post out of 24 essays I plan to write as part of the Sparkle on Substack Essay Club to keep myself accountable and post regularly.

If life often gets in the way of your regular writing and you are a fellow Substacker (which many of you are), I'd recommend you join Claire Venus’s Sparkle on Substack’s Essay Club.

1. https://www.forbes.com/sites/joshwilson/2022/09/24/oprah-winfrey-hugh-jackman-and-other-celebrities-recommend-coaching-as-a-necessity-for-success/