Even the most successful personalities experience insecurities
Disclaimer: This post should make you feel better about your own insecurities.
Writing this one was an absolute blast. While researching, I came across so much gold of knowledge and tips that I could not help but organise it into a tiny series on insecurities.
This will teach you much more than you think, mainly about yourself.
It sure did it for me.
For example, let’s start with transparency and 100% honesty. While writing this follow-up article about insecurities, I kept questioning —what is the point? So much has been written about insecurities and ‘imposter syndrome’ in particular — what makes you think you have something of value to add?
The least to say, I’ve been hammering myself down to the point of —almost quitting and missing this Wednesday’s article.
You've got to conduct thorough research to write a good piece that adds value instead of adding to the internet noise of the same repeated messages over and over. Thoroughly research what’s already been said or written, then reflect and write something NEW. At least that’s what some say, those whom we turn to for advice: HOW TO WRITE BETTER, HOW TO GO VIRAL…
Let’s get this off the chest right at the start.
I am not trying to go viral.
It would be a nice bonus, but that is not the intention driving this ‘insecurities’ series.
For the most part, this topic is an old subject that stormed through the net two or three years ago. Yet, it’s what I am experiencing right now, and that tiny voice inside tells me you might, too. What is a better way to process your emotions and experiences than to write about them— or write yourself through and pass them?
As you’d have it, I went down the rabbit hole of the research behind those we perceive as successful personalities and celebrities. I hope to make sense of it for you in this article…
So, here we go…
“Everyone has insecurities. They're those moments of self-doubt where you question yourself or your abilities.”
→ “I don't understand how I received this promotion. I don't believe I am as qualified as they think I am.”
→ “I wrote a good post that resonated with others and got plenty of comments and shares, but what if that was the only good post?”
→ “There are so many newsletters already; why add mine? What ‘special’ can I add to the conversation?”
Will it make you feel less insecure if I dig around and find evidence that you’re not alone in your insecurities? Would it be helpful to learn that some of the most successful people, even celebrities, feel insecure about themselves, some even at the highest points of their careers?
The answer is YES. To admit humbly, it worked for me; it might work for you too.
Some psychologists say self-doubt can be useful if you know how to harness it.
Do you like to laugh? Of course you do. Who does not like to have a good belly laugh?
Luckily, some people make us laugh for a living.
Taylor Tomlinson is one of those funny comedians (not doing justice to her with this description).
You might have known her from the Netflix special “Look at you” or one of the hundreds of YouTube shorts.
The New York Times published the article as the Netflix special premiered with the title: Taylor Tomlinson: A Comic With the Confidence of a Star, which I thought was ironic when I came across an interview she did for Adam Grant’s podcast1 where she talks extensively about her insecurities and imposter syndrome.
When Taylor started doing stand-up, she was only 16, so insecurities make a lot of sense. That’s an age full of insecurities, unhappiness in yourself, and overdramatising any adverse event. More stand-up she did, the insecurities did not go away.
“When I first started going to LA to do spots, it was so hit or miss. This job is really anxiety-inducing. And so there was a long time where I was like, should I just be a teacher?
I've had panic attacks where, yeah, you have to be at a show in like 10 minutes, and you're like, I don't know how I'm going to get through this. And there were certainly times that I was like, why am I doing this to myself?
Why in the world did you want to do this whole stand-up comedy thing? You could have easily quit.” she shared in the podcast interview.
At 25, she was one of the youngest comedians ever to be invited to do an hour-long special on Netflix.
“I actually cried because I felt so scared and so guilty that I got it. Because I was like, wow, I'm not good enough. And I somehow tricked Netflix into giving me this opportunity that I can think of dozens of people who deserve it more than me.”
Most of us can relate to and are all too familiar with these thoughts. As soon as there is a glimpse of success, a lucky break, the brain starts questioning it.
Well, how did that happen? It must be a mistake.
I remember the first time the Best You Magazine2 agreed to include my writing on their website; this may be an error. I did not believe it was true until I saw the article live and published.
Or when
followed my publication (then called Productivity Sphere) here on Substack. The pressure of someone you admire and know through their work because you've been reading their books since 2012 when you first came across them as you watched an interview with Marie Forleo3.Having the best-selling author glancing or having the intention to glance at your work makes you question your work. At least, that’s true for me.
At my stage, you’d think that’s understandable and fair. But as we’ve seen from my previous example, even celebrated personalities do feel insecure at the peaks of their careers.
Think of Viola Davis
Yep, actress and producer, that one.
You might have seen her in the Help, Widows, or the Suicide Squad movies. But, if you’re like me, despite any movie roles, she will stick in your mind as Annalise Keating, a lawyer, teaches a class from which she selects the brightest students to assist her in cases at the firm. Soon, she finds her life entangled with four students. And together, they get away with multiple murders, or will they (I don’t want to spoil it for those who never watched the program).
Her role in Doubt, alongside Amy Adams, Meryl Streep and Phillip Seymour Hoffman, garnered her a Best Supporting Actress nomination4, yet she was insecure. She wasn't a film actor, she wasn't a big name.
In 1989, Viola was awarded a place in the incoming class at Juilliard. She was incredibly proud. But she wasn't always happy during her time in New York. She wondered whether she'd chosen the wisest path on her hero's journey.
Whatever stage of your life you’re in, whatever work you’re trying to put out there, insecurities might linger.
But insecurity itself is not a problem.
Some might argue that it is aiding your success; it forces you to work so much harder, as it was in Taylor's case:
“I think it just comes down to work ethic because you can't change how talented people think you are or how much people like what you do, but you can make people respect how hard you work. So, while I'm insecure about who I am, and I have reasons to be, I know that I work really hard. I feel confident about that.”
Barbara Corcoran, a columnist for More, The Daily Review, and Redbook, writes a weekly column in the New York Daily News and has written several books; also, a businesswoman and investor shared in the interview on CNBC:
“I look for a [competitor] who’s mostly insecure, because I know I’ve got myself a winner,” Corcoran said. “They have the ambition. They’re going to work twice as hard, which, I think, is the great upside to feeling like you’re an impostor.”
She continues: “The more successful someone is, the more self-doubt they have, because that’s what drives them,” “I’ve never met a secure person who was a stellar star.”
“That so-called imposter syndrome is a strength”, Corcoran argued: “It drives her to find gaps in her knowledge, and fill them with people whose skillsets balance her weaknesses.”
That is the reframe I’ve been looking for. Often, the breakthrough comes from simple, tiny differences in perspective.
“Just not for me”
In last week's post, I used the analogy that you won’t be everyone's cup of coffee, and that’s okay. Learn to be okay with that. That’s similar to how Taylor decided to overcome her insecurities, as she shares in the interview:
“Those four words, just not for me, have made a huge difference for me and my insecurity and my imposter syndrome in this business, where I just have to say, I'm just not for them. There are plenty of people that I am for, and that's who you have to focus on.”
If you publish here on Substack, it’s an essential mindset.
“According to the company update shared in February 2023, Substack has over 20 million monthly active subscribers. Traffic estimates show that Substack had 49.4 million unique visitors to its website across desktop and mobile devices in January 2024.”5
Not all of these people will be your devoted readers, yet some of them will be your most devoted readers, subscribers, and your community.
In the interview, Tomlinson concludes: “I would really love to not be so anxious, but it does make me really good at my job, because I try harder, because I'm afraid of failing. And if I didn't have that fire under my ass, maybe I wouldn't be as good.”
In some sense, Taylor Tomlinson attributes a chunk of her success to her insecurities and self-doubt. But what about some celebrities you might admire and come to like?
Other celebrities, you’d be surprised, feel insecure about their work.
I say Ryan Reynolds, and you can’t help but think of Deadpool. If you’re about my age, you might even remember as far as the sitcom Two Guys and a Girl.
He’s a celebrated actor, producer, businessman, and even Welsh football club owner. Scrolling through Wikipedia's List of awards and nominations may cause your finger to hurt.
Yet, named "sexiest man alive" by US magazine People, he said, according to ET Canada:
"I feel like an overweight, pimply-faced kid a lot of the time."
Yet, instead of letting his insecurities get in his way, he uses them for something creative.
He shared: “Acting provides an outlet for him to "channel" his anxiety about his appearance because it allows him "to access that insecurity and put it towards something creative."6
And how about Lady Gaga?
You may not be the biggest fan of her music, but we all gave her another chance after A Star is Born watch. And thought, “God, this woman can sing, and oh, can she act!”
Would it ever cross your mind that a woman who wears bubbles7 for a dress might feel insecure?
She once shared this:
“I felt like a freak for so long in my childhood. But now I have a lot of freak friends to hand out with.”
Then, in the interview on Ellen Show, she disclosed: “Sometimes in life, you don’t feel like a winner, but it does not mean you’re not the winner”8
Even the most successful personalities, even celebrities, feel insecure about their looks, work, and talent. Let’s take a look at a few more I uncovered researching into this topic:
Jennifer Lopez
"The biggest insecurity I had was my singing. Even though I had sold 70 million records, there was this feeling like, I'm not good at this. And while I was married to Marc (Anthony), he helped me get over it. He kept telling me, 'You're the only one holding yourself back from reaching your full potential as a singer. You have to let go'...I was always so insecure and just kind of going along. Then I grew, little by little, and realized, wait a minute, this is not a fluke. I'm not a mistake -- I work my a** off," Jennifer Lopez has told Cosmo.
Jessica Alba
Actress turned entrepreneur named America's Richest Entrepreneurs Under 40 Net Worth by Forbes in 2016.9
"I was always insecure about belonging and felt that my success was probably going to go away, so I've overcompensated," Jessica Alba said in Cosmo.
Amy Adams
"(After 2002's 'Catch Me If You Can') I choked. I felt this pressure to suddenly be this level of actress that I wasn't confident enough to be. Being an actress hasn't made me insecure. I was insecure long before I declared I was an actress ... I had an existential crisis at the Oscars, sitting next to Sean Penn and Meryl Streep and being like, 'What am I doing here? I don't belong here,'" Amy Adams said to Elle UK.
It is easy to look at successful people and celebrities and assume they possess something you don’t.
This could be intelligence, talent, luck, skills, or even insight you perhaps don’t have.
As noted by by Jeff Haden, contributing editor, Inc., in the article: “8 in 10 Experience Impostor Syndrome Because They Ignore a Universal Truth About Success”10
“The problem doesn't lie with how you perceive yourself. The problem lies in how you perceive other successful people. Extremely successful people aren't that different from you and me; they have just worked really, really hard to become exceptional at one thing. Otherwise, they're normal. What makes them "special" is the effort, persistence, focus, and discipline they apply to their craft.”
He concludes: “Work hard to become exceptional at whatever you choose. Because no one is "special. But with time and effort and persistence, we can all achieve special things.”
So, how about you? What are you going to do with your insecurities? I would appreciate it if you shared your thoughts in the comments below, but I understand this topic is highly personal and sensitive.
Tldr:
So, here's your game plan:
Embrace the insecurity. Use it as motivation to work harder, to research more thoroughly, to write more authentically.
Remember that "just not for me" are the four most powerful words in your vocabulary. Not everyone will love your writing. That's okay. Find the ones who do.
Set intrinsic goals. Focus on improving your craft, not just your subscriber count.
Talk to yourself in the second person. "You've got this" is more powerful than "I've got this." Trust me, it's science.
Remember where you started.
I hope you found this article useful.
Next week, I will attempt to answer this question: If we all have insecurities, how do we move forward despite feeling like an imposter or fraudster while waiting to be found out?
This is the tenth post of 24 essays I plan to write as part of the Sparkle on Substack Essay Club to keep myself accountable and post regularly.
If life often gets in the way of your regular writing and you are a fellow Substacker (which many of you are), I'd recommend you join
’s ’s Essay Club.Startup: Chris Guillebeau on the 100 Startup
I've never heard this quote but love it: Work hard to become exceptional at whatever you choose. Because no one is special. But with time and effort and persistence, we can all achieve special things."
Thank you for this article, it was crazy to hear about some of these people that you would have no idea about
This was exactly what I needed today. 🤍 At my best, I like to think of my anxiety as fuel, as a motivator, like Taylor Tomlinson said. (I need to check out her Netflix special!)