I've had this subtle need for change for the past few months. It takes work to pinpoint the reason behind it. There are too many. Exhaustion, lack of enjoyment, and dying passion — to name just a few.
Some would summarise it and write it off as what I am experiencing is — burnout.
Maybe. Probably.
But calling it burnout won't make it suddenly and magically disappear, right?
Sure, having a name for the feelings might make searching for answers easier. But there is this need for change with yet another pressing deadline. It needs to happen now before it is too late. To explain that, I need to go back in time.
Why this? Why now?
Let’s rewind for a bit, and let me explain why this change and why now.
“Time is more valuable than money.”
So some say. The trouble is that this type of thinking or belief might help you develop unhealthy relationships with the time.
Indeed, many of us have an unhealthy relationship with the time. The same as many of us have a terrible relationship with money — hence, many of us spend so much time working and chasing it.
“You can always earn more money, but time — that’s a different story.”
I have my days planned out to the last minute. I know what needs to be done and when.
And it works.
But throw off my plan, and all the hell breaks loose.
Now, there's a point and time to realise — this attitude is not on. It's not fair to those around me who try to unintentionally throw my plans out of wack — trust me.
I work too much. The reason — A better life. Independence. Security. Creativity, and the list goes on.
I want to have something I'm proud of and earn a good living.
But according to Strenght’s Finder and Marcus Buckingham’s book Now, discover your strengths. I am an achiever, meaning I am stuck with the constant need for achievement.
“You have an internal fire burning inside you. It pushes you to do more, to achieve more. After each accomplishment is reached, the fire dwindles for a moment, but very soon, it rekindles itself, forcing you toward the next accomplishment. Your relentless need for achievement might not be logical. It might not even be focused. But it will always be with you.”
Boom. Say no more.
It explains a lot. Knowing is heartwarming, not necessarily shielding.
But having a lot to do is time-pressing. It puts me on the edge for the most part of my life.
I’ve always been this way. So, we could say this is my space for recovery.
Recovery from nonstop wants and needs to do more, be more, and get more done to pile up more.
Stop.
Pause.
Think.
Are you still having fun? What are you optimising your time for?
To pile up more on? The ever-growing workload will eventually push you under the desk or corner of your office.
So whenever I ask myself the question — am I still having fun?
Most of the time, the answer is NO. My face looks weary and 5 years older. The constant nagging sense of incomplete accomplishments drives me restless.
The workload keeps getting bigger and bigger.
You work, you work even more, and you fill in the calendar every minute (there’s nothing wrong with time blocking, but.. Unless you intentionally schedule the time out, the time for what brings you joy — deliberate joy).
It’s hard to keep up.
Most of the time, you don’t even have time to read a book, go for a run, or have a walk. You get irritated whenever you’re away from your desk because you have so much to do. You’re just hoping your colleague stops talking so you can get back to work….
Some might say, you’re missing out on life.
You’re heading for the wall of burnout. Trust me. Been there and still am.
At first, you don’t notice it when you’re swirling in the burnout, but you’re cynical, tired and dejected.
You’re not enjoying much of anything. To cure yourself, you try to work some more.
“Research demonstrates that people who are obsessed with their work put in longer hours yet fail to perform any better than their peers.”1
As much as I love to be productive, there’s a fine line between being productive and being obsessed with getting things done to the point it’s no longer fun.
It could be the same for you.
Constant focus on fitting and ticking more tasks off your to-do list works in the background — building a snowball of your micro stresses. On their own, these seem manageable and hard to detect.
How small stresses snowball
According to the HBR Article, How Small Stresses Snowball by Rob Cross and Karen Dillon, there are 14 different microstresses, which fall into three categories.
Microstresses That Drain Your Personal Capacity
This is where your work results start slipping. These small slips compound over time. You start dropping ball, often at the details. Mistakes happen more often. This requires rectifying mistakes, ultimately leading to reworking work that should already be done.
Microstresses That Deplete Your Emotional Reserves
This is where you get caught up on tiny tasks of the bigger picture. Obsesing over the tiny details losing sight of the big picture. Overthinking and misplacing your focus.
Microstresses That Challenge Your Identity
This happens when the project you take on turns out more challenging than you anticipated. Navigating through unknown and not easily manageable tasks starts pitching away until you start questioning your capabilities. You start to question whether you are a good fit for this project or, even worse, any future projects to come. You start to feel off-balance in spite of having a successful track record with similar projects in the past.
And as we say goodbye for the week, let’s commit to one action.
My weekly do for this week is to finish this fantastic book, Hidden Potential, by Adam Grant.
What’s yours?
One of my highlights in this book is this: “The best way to unlock hidden potential isn’t to suffer through the daily grind. It’s to transform the daily grind into a source of daily joy.”
And it sums up perfectly what I want the
to provide to you.
I'm digging this new direction! Looking forward to coming posts.
My focus for this week is to just relax. I have been working 2 jobs since October and finally dropped back down to one. I took the week off to have a break from the 6 day weeks.